Category Archives: behavior

Got the News Blues?

Is keeping up with the daily news giving you the blues?

Well then, stop it already!

One of the key ways to feel happier is to stop focusing attention on things that make you feel miserable, fearful, overwhelmed… like the news!

Naturally, we humans seek what is new and tend to ignore what is old and familiar. The news uses sensationalism to provoke excitement and interest in people (which increases their ratings) at the expense of providing accurate information.

We know that the news is most often skewed one way or the other. Keeping up with inaccurate information that is fed to make people feel afraid and vulnerable is ludicrous.

Why do you want to watch the news even though it makes you feel awful? Well, because you, like all of us are probably addicted to dopamine!

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes us feel good, really good. And wanting to continue to feel that way makes us crave this brain chemical.

Dopamine is the source of all of our addictions. Cocaine, coffee, sex, news… they all give us a hit of it. Even checking our text messages and social media sites give us a hit.

So what? If we like it, lets just keep doing it. I’m always advocating that people do what makes them feel good so what’s my problem with dopamine?

Well my problem is, is that long term, continuing to chase our next hit of dopamine will fuck us up! Big time!

The more we chase the next dopamine hit, the less control we have over ourselves. The more we walk down that shortcut to the dopamine feel good centre, the more our other, more scenic and leisurely paths overgrow.

beautiful path
beautiful path

It’s those scenic and leisurely paths that lead us to creativity and will connect us to our spirit. The more we wander on these more wholesome paths, the happier we will be. The more time we take on these paths,the more able we will be to respond to the situations in our lives that are effecting us directly with compassion and care.

Leave the news off. Focus on yourself, your immediate surroundings and making the small changes you can make on a daily basis to make these surroundings more harmonious, beautiful and fulfilling.

That’s the news for today.

 

Always Get What You Want and Achieve your Goals

How to never let a goal go unaccomplished again –> Don’t set any  goals.

How to get what you want –> Want what you get.

Every one knows the classic way to set a goal right? The classic “SMART” goal formula?

Specific
Measurable
Action orientated
Realistic
Time based

Well… I don’t know about you, but I’ve set a fair amount of these kind of goals… I rarely accomplish them, and often I “change my mind” before I cross the finish line and smack the hand of accomplishment as I wiz by singing my own celebratory tune.

bAdAss quick tip: If a tool doesn’t work, don’t use it. 

We all  have brains. Our brains are malleable, and yes, they have more plasticity than we initially imagined. That being said, our human nature is still to stay the same. Our human nature is to go towards comfort and away from pain and discomfort.

And guess what? Typically making positive changes in the direction of living a badass fulfilling and awesome life is frickin’ scary!

Ahhhhhh! Scream loud if you’re scared. Ahhhhhhh!

Studies are finding now that goal setting can actually be detrimental not only for individuals, but also on the corporate level. Large companies that set high goals for producing products can tend to skip necessary steps and use unethical ways to accomplish these goals.

Example: Ford made a goal to build a car that was less than 2000 pounds and less than $2000. They did it! But at what price? They skipped safety testing and later discovered that the gas tank was quick to explode if rear-ended. Fifty-three people died. Oops!

Read Ford Pinto’s defence in the Chicago Tribune Feb.19, 1980

Setting specific goals can affect you negatively! They can

  • Leave you slacking and losing balance in other areas of your life
  • Lead to narrow minded thinking
  • Promote white lies to yourself and others to achieve it
  • Increase sense of ego
  • Decrease intrinsic motivation

Wow! See?! Goals are nothing but bad news!

Okay so now you are left asking “well what the heck? If I want to release my inner bAdAss I gotta do something, and now you’re telling me not to set goals so what the hell?!”

What the hell is right! So what I say always is find out what works for you and DO THAT! If you set goals and accomplish them, by all means keep doing it. And teach me how please! But if you want an alternative, I have some ideas.

If you must make goals, figure out the goal formula that works for you. Do you work best with big goals or small ones? Large concepts or specifics?

bAdAss quick tip: Don’t let anyone else tell you what works for you. 

Personally I like using large concepts and I give them a year to come into my life. I write the concepts down on a piece of paper that is taped to my wall where I look in the mirror in the morning when I wake up. I read the words and watch them slowly fade on the paper as they develop into my life. If I were to recommend anything about setting goals, this would be my advice.

  • Make them awesome, fun and exciting! If you wanna get stronger, then join a class that is fun, like kickboxing, breakdancing or gymnastics.
  • Know in your heart why achieving that goal is important to you. Whatever it is, you must have a reason.
  • Do not make your fears goal orientated. i.e.”Stop eating burned toast so I don’t get cancer”. Never make goals based on fear.
  • Life is for enjoying and having fun. If working on the things you want more of in life isn’t fun then why would you want more of them in the first place?

How about this for a goal: Enjoy today as much as possible.

:)

QUOTE

“You don’t get what you want in life, you get what you are” — Les Brown

FURTHER READING AND RESOURCES

http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/goals-gone-wild-the-systematic-side-effects-of-over-prescribing-goal-setting

 

Do What You Want When you Want

Theory DW-YWWYW-DI

Do what you want when you wanna do it! This includes making changes in your life! Lets play with the idea that you don’t need to force change upon yourself until you are ready.

Imagine you are a flower, closed tight like a tulip bulb. How hard will it be to open you when you are still a bulb? If someone tries to pry that flower open when it is closed, it’s extremely difficult and if you are forced open, it won’t be beautiful petals- that’s for sure.

Waiting for times of natural change is okay. Trust that you will know when you are ready. Hold the intention and have faith that you will change when you are ready.

Making changes hard, and nearly impossible if you are not ready. Most of us don’t like things that are hard and we certainly don’t like doing things before we are ready. We like things cheap, convenient, fast and easy. Well… Good news. I’m here to tell you that change can be like that too!

You’ve all heard stories of people who smoked for 40 years and then one day “just decided” to quit. And did “cold turkey.”

Fun fact: Cold turkey was first used in 1910, and may not actually mean a cold turkey, but rather, the word “cold” is implied as a personality trait of being blunt and matter-of-fact. The turkey part comes from an old slang “talk turkey” which means to speak plainly. It was also later suspected that this saying refers to the symptoms of withdrawal that occur when someone suddenly quits heroin.  Read more about cold turkey’s origins

You know why these people were able to quit? Because they were ready! Screw all of that motivational B.S. about “Start today” “Quit Now”. I say “No way!” Wait! Keep doing the thing you are ambivalent about changing until that day comes when you wake up and think to yourself “Fuck this. I’m done” And that will be that. Plain and simple.

Every behaviour is addicting in its own right. Each time you do a behaviour, it is more likely that you will do a similar behaviour again. For example, if you decide to go to the gym today, it is more likely that you will decide to go to the gym tomorrow.

But, if you choose to hang out and drink beer today, then it is more likely you will hangout and drink beer tomorrow (by the way, I’m am not implying either is the right or choice here, I think both are great).

The truth is, we will not change until we are ready to change. And we, as humans,  are lazy by nature! So we will continue doing whatever it is we are doing until something happens and we NEED to change. And then BAM! Change happens! You just decide.

Why waste time trying? There is no trying, only doing. If you wanna be bad ass, do what you want, when you  want, until you don’t want to do it any more. Then quit. And then release a long sigh of contentment, as you continue on enjoying the simplicity of your life.

:)

QUOTES

“She loves the smell of coffee, bloomed roses, and new beginnings” — Sonia Azalea

“Change is the only constant thing in life” — Heraclitus

“Change is the end result of all true learning” — Leo Buscaglia

and of course….

“This too shall pass”