Category Archives: positive changes

Honesty the Best Policy

We all learned in kindergarten that honesty is the best policy, so why is it still so hard to tell the truth? With lies running rampant from our government and through our friend circles, no wonder it is easy to get so confused. Most of us are living an extremely fast paced lifestyle and sometimes it’s just easier and faster seeming to lie.

“I would love to help with that, if only I had the time!” (It’s not that I don’t have the time, it’s that I have zero interest). Or, “Oh ya, I do remember that totally ridiculous moment you are referring to” (No you don’t because it actually happened when you were with someone else). “Ya I showered today” (Actually I only shower like twice a week, and yes, that is true for me some weeks). “Oh ya, your new haircut looks great!” (What have you done to your hair?!)

Why bother lying about things? Typically, we lie because they want to be nice. Lying though, isn’t nice. It gives false information about a situation and leaves people making decisions based on false facts. If we can start to create social circles and societies where we are honest, we can make huge positive and progressive change! There is no use for a secret agendas or sneakiness if we are all just upfront about what is actually going on. With any major change though, we must begin with ourselves. So how do we start being more honest?

Where to start

Letting go of the ego

Letting go of the ego is not something that happens overnight. This is a long process of working on ones self, or in-fact, letting go of ones self. However, it is a well worth while process that transforms one into a truth seeker.

Once one learns to let go of the ego, instead of looking for things for one’s own planned personal gain, one tunes into a guidance that is larger and more trustworthy than the self. The most important thing to do to continue receiving guidance from the this source is to be honest with ones self and others so the source can guide things appropriately. It’s a process of giving up your control to something that is bigger than you. It won’t necessarily makes sense until you feel it for yourself, but you probably have felt it. It’s built into your intuition.

Use tactful truth delivery

There can be a difference between being honest and being blunt. It takes thought and practice to first find the truth, and second to paint the truth with pretty colours before delivering it.

So when a friend asks you to do something and you have no interest in doing it, you can say no, but also provide encouragement or possibly suggest someone else you know who might be really excited for such an offer.

Being honest does not need to be mean, if your honesty is coming from your heart it can still be delivered and received gracefully most times.

Recognize the little lies

White lies are the hardest ones to quit. My friends and family  members consider me to be a very honest person, and I am. I still do find myself, with certain friends and family members, wanting to veer away from the complete truth. Unfortunately, telling half truths don’t really make the cut. A half truth is a half lie.

For me, it is harder to tell the complete truth to people who I think will have a difficult time hearing it and to people that I think may respond to my truthfulness with something that is hurtful to me or that brings up feelings of guilt within me.

These people are great to have around because they help me to practice the skill of tactful delivery. Also, it is often these people who need honesty role models in their lives the most. Often too, these people will surprise me with their ability to gracefully receive the truth and I realize I have greatly underestimated them.

Some challenges

Part of my challenge being completely honest with certain people I think must be a lingering ego and fear of hurting someone. I, like many others, like to make people happy and I like to be kind.

I also am an only child who loves to spend a lot of time alone in my fantasy land. It is difficult when my friends want to spend time with me but I feel I need alone time. I have to tactfully tell them that I would rather spend my time in my cabin alone doing absolutely nothing productive.

Slowly though, I’m learning to do it. And because am honest with them about my needs, they are able to respect what I need. They are able to know me on a deeper level and in return they get a shiny awesome and happy me because after I have had my alone time to recharge I come out with bells on… sometimes quite literally.

The Benefits of being honest

Truth giver = Truth receiver
When people know we are honest , they feel comfortable coming to us with the truth, whether it is pretty or not. When you are able to hear people’s truthful opinions you are more open to people giving you useful and constructive feedback. When you live a life based on truth you can make decisions with valid information and therefore can live a life that is more clearly aligned with what you want.

When you are honest, you are able to share your true self with the world. You are friends with people who are able to accept your true self and you’re not friends with people who you can’t be honest with. This leads to more intimate and meaningful relationships and an increased sense of self and self-esteem.

Being honest all the time is also a good way to keep your actions in line because you are committed to telling people the truth about what you have done. If you are doing something that makes you feel shameful, you know you need to own up to it. And by owning up to doing things that cause you shame or guilt, you open yourself up to the beginning stages of changing the behaviour.

Honesty is the best policy. Honesty will lead you to happier life, because by living a life of truth you have nothing to fear.

:)

QUOTES:

“Honest hearts produce honest actions”

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” Dr.Seuss

“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” Mother Teresa

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Please comment with your experiences and opinions!… You can be honest 😉

 

 

 

 

New Year, New Beginnings

Happy New Year!

The New Year is about making positive change. We have new beginnings all the time. Every Monday is a new beginning, every birthday, every new month, every new moon…

But the new year, I suppose because it comes less often than those mentioned above, we seem to have some big expectations for ourselves.

One day you woke up and decided that you were going to learn how to walk. You didn’t get it the first time or the second time you tried. You fell many times. But, you always got back up.

And now look at you, you’re walking, talking, chewing gum, thinking about all the things that you need to do next, and carrying five bags of groceries all at the same time!

When looking to form new habits, be ready to slip and get back up.

STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO YOUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

1. PLAN – As always, you need a plan. Put it on paper and put it somewhere you will see it regularly. Instead of labelling it your goals, label it something like “Things I’m doing this Year/month/week/today” This frames your goals as things you are doing, and not things you hope to do.

2) BE REAL – Your plan needs to be  realistic. Don’t expect to become a new person overnight. Accept yourself and make small manageable changes so you don’t feel overwhelmed.

3) START SMALL – Even if you want big changes, start with small ones so you can build a stable foundation of habits.

4) BREAK YOUR NEW HABIT – There will be times where you have taken on too much or something in life happens. Be ready for this. If you fall off the wagon, it’s okay, just jump back on. Don’t beat yourself up, instead pick yourself up and continue.

5) PLAY X’s and O’s – Jerry Seinfeld has a theory called the chain theory. You get a calendar and put an X on the day every day you complete your new habit/goal. This means if you can’t do it one day then you “break the chain”. This is a great method for some, but I’ve added an extension. If you break the chain, circle that day. Write in the circle what happened and what you change so you don’t break the chain next month.

6) STICK WITH POSITIVE STATEMENTS – Instead of making your goal “spend less money”, make it “save more money”. You will be more effective if you can keep your goals and your thoughts (and ideally your bank account) in the positive.

7) PRIORITIZE – You know what I mean. Most important things goes on top (kinda like how the most important part of the dessert goes on time, like whipped cream, mmm my favorite). Do your new habit first, preferably in the morning before anything else if possible. Getter done. (Kinda like how when I go out for dinner, I like to order dessert first to make sure I have room for it. I can always take my leftover dinner home).

8) MAKE ‘EM MEASURABLE – You need to check if have you completed your goal. So instead of making the goal to “smile more” chose something that is more specific and measurable like “smile to three strangers per day every day this month”. Have a date that you are going to have this done by and a box that you get to check off when you’ve completed it.

9) CHOOSE GOALS THAT EXCITE YOU – If you hate going to the gym, don’t make your goal to go to the gym 3 times a week, you probably won’t do it. Find things that you like to do, maybe you like swimming or running or gymnastics… Why would you make a goal to spend your time doing something you don’t like to do? That goes against everything moodmagnitude promotes.

10) FOCUS ON THE BIGGER PICTURE – Maybe your little manageable goal is to eat a salad for dinner three times a week. When you are eating your salad for the third time this week and dreaming about a pepperoni pizza, think to the big picture. Think about why you made this your plan in the first place, maybe it’s about being healthy and having more energy. Remember that accomplishing your goal will taste way better than any piece of pizza and the feeling will be better than the feeling that will left in your gut after overindulging in a greasy pizza.

Hope some of these tips help!

If you are looking for any further resources, tips or have any further comments please don’t hesitate to drop me a line!

My 2015 starts this monday when I move back to my little cabin on Lasqueti Island. I am so excited to get back to my own little home! Once I am there I plan to get my internet hooked up so I can continue blogging, a little more seriously.

Go to Vipassana in February

I will continue doing yoga regularly, on a daily basis. I will start teaching yoga on Lasqueti and continue to volunteer teaching on the psyc unit in Nanaimo on Sundays through to the end of March and then re-assess.

I’m focused on connecting with people, growing a garden and moving forward with my self and career development.